Are You Lonesome Tonight?

 So my fiancée has been gone for 70 days now. If you’re familiar with our relationship you know that we go everywhere together, do everything together and spend a lot of time together. Given the fact that she was new in my country when we first met and needed a friend to show her around, I, as the gentleman that I am, offered my assistance to this pretty lady in need! Long story short, she had to go back to the USA while we’re waiting for my visa to be approved and for us to get hitched up there. Since she’s been gone there’s been a huge empty space in my day-to-day life and it has been filled with a loneliness that has shown me that, no matter how much I don’t want to admit it, I depend on her to be happy, to feel fulfilled and satisfied.

I miss my best friend, my future wife and my partner in crime...

 With that said you can probably see where this is going. God woke me up and reminded me the He is enough. He is all I need to feel and be complete, but that's my own journey. Now, there’s nothing to be ashamed of when it comes down to feeling alone. ALL OF US have been there at some point of our lives. Some of us sink in it way more than others, but the feeling is the same - emptiness, hopelessness, loneliness.

 When I was growing up I felt extremely rejected by my parents and family. I was always the “problem child” and that label pushed me farther and farther into solitude as I got older. Before I started following Jesus, I did some pretty stupid things to deal with my good ole friend Mr. Loneliness. Among those things were alcohol, twisted relationships, fights, getting in trouble, whatever helped to get some attention or ease the pain inside.

 None of that worked, of course, and after I was done with it all and was saved I realized something: God was the only thing I hadn’t tried yet. When I finally did, the emptiness was filled. It was gone! Only God with His love could heal my broken heart and all of my wounds (Ps. 147:3). He made me understand that even if our closest loved ones forsake us He will take care of us (Ps. 27:10). And not just that, He also believes in me and asks me to be strong and of good courage for HE WILL NEVER ABANDON ME (Josh. 1:9). He has kept reminding me of these truths during the past 70 days as I was whining and asking if I was paying for all the wrong I did in my 20 something years.

 During this season away from the woman that makes my heart swell, I’ve learned how to use loneliness to draw closer to Him, and to take advantage of that silence that seemed thicker than Play-Doh to listen to His voice more audible than ever before. After all, Jesus sought places to be with the Father. He knew that in being alone He could find a better communion with God. 

 How do I deal with this maddening loneliness of mine?

 First, we have to know that loneliness is a very emotional thing, therefore there’s a few ways to attack it and here’s a list of the top 5 that I’ve found more successful:

 1-Spend time in prayer and in the Word: It’s the best remedy for everything! You will find that God alone is all we need to fill every little empty space. Psalms are especially encouraging and always lift my spirit in times of incertitude. Search for Him in prayer at all time. Lonely times are usually very confusing, but those who seek the Lord understand all, says Proverbs 28:5. 

 2-Stay away from depressing music and/or movies: If the reason of your loneliness is a recent break up, the worst thing you can ever do is to listen to heart breaking love songs. Now, if this is not the reason why you feel this way, but it is rather a constant feeling, that rule applies too! Avoid filling your heart with crap while it is so susceptive and feed it with positivity and encouragement instead! (Prov. 4:23)

 3-Work out: It has been proven that working out fights sadness and makes you feel better. Go out and run or walk for about 30 minutes every other day or daily if you have to,  it's not only a good idea to get distracted but also you’ll feel way better physically and mentally. Trust me!

 4-Help someone else: It might just sound crazy, but helping somebody in need or praying for the sick will make you see that life is not all about you or your current situation and will also give you a complete different perspective of the game.

 5-Know that you’re not alone: The enemy walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour and just like a lion he will try to separate you from the herd. Reach out for people from your church (and if you’re not going to any yet this is a good time to start) or relatives or friends that you really trust and you’ll find that besides Jesus you can count on other people that love you!

 God loves you unconditionally and He created you with a very specific purpose; don’t give up until you fulfill it!

“Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

Libertà

 I try and I try, but I just can’t stop. I mean, I see how bad it hurts everyone, even me. I know it’s wrong and that all it brings is destruction - physical, mental and spiritual destruction - but I just can’t help but to like it. I’m attracted to the sickness of self-destruction.

 It feels like somebody else is in control of my actions and my body. I give the command in my head to stop, but my hands and feet continue to make their way to the trap that my enemy has set for me. It’s like I am a slave to myself, to my flesh and that I can’t sit on the throne to rule my own decisions, my own life. Lies, other people, alcohol, porn and anger, depression and suicidal tendencies, self-mutilation… So many things have sat on my throne, but not me, never me. Then I understood that word I had always heard about: addiction.

 Me? An addict? I never thought I would be one. I didn’t do drugs as often as my friends did. Only drug users are to be called 'addicts', but not me, my friend. It just didn’t click in my head that I could be addicted to something, but I was. As a teenager I got kicked out of my home because of my anger and abusive drinking. Now I look back and I see that I was just a kid. I still am. Now I look at my younger brother who is 16 and I cannot imagine him holding a drink, much less getting as drunk as I used to. Or smoking cigarets the way I did.

 How blind was I? How weak? I just kept crawling back to pain and emptiness. I had nothing left to do but surrender to it.

 If you are fighting an addiction you will understand that it turns into a never-ending cycle of submission to whatever it is that’s keeping you captive. It only takes you to one end if you don’t stop on time: death.

 How can I defeat my addiction?

 You can’t do it alone, that’s for sure. It takes so much more than your own willpower. It’s not going to be enough because you are weak, you have been for the last several years, haven’t you? You need someone to walk through this with you. Maybe a friend, a pastor, someone that will not judge you when you fall, yet won’t baby you either. If you are a new Christian, I would highly recommend you to not go to your old friends for this because it’s only going to drag you down again eventually.

 Now, what you CAN do by yourself with your own willpower and discipline is to pray… hardcore. Make the decision, be brave and do not be dismayed. The only way I could’ve ever overcome any of my self-destructive habits was through all the time I and people who loves me spent on our knees asking God to give me the strength to be free of all of those chains. And you know what? It worked.

 I still fight my flesh on a daily basis and that’s not going to change, but I am not ruled by self-destruction anymore. I AM FREE. I have been delivered by Christ, for Christ. He is the only thing worth living for, the only person worth being ruled by.

 He holds the answers and the power you’re looking for to overcome and get the victory that we desire so much.

 My band recently released a new album and the first song I wrote for it is called “Libertà”, which is Italian for “freedom”. The song is in Spanish so I have translated the lyrics to English so you can understand what it says.

 You are not alone, if you’re reading this you have been prayed for. You can do it, there’s freedom available for you in Christ. Come get it!

Libertà (Freedom)

I have been lost in very confusing shadows

But I’ve decided I won’t make any more excuses

I want to be free today, I want to know who I am

I want to live in You today, I want to know where I’m going 

I want to fly, I want to feel Your freedom

And to be awaken by the light of Your truth

I want Your peace, to breathe in You again

I can’t anymore, without you I can’t go on

I have been hurt by very profound things

But I ask you today: “Set me free from my tortures"

I want to be free today, I want to know who I am

I want to live in You today, I want to know where I’m going 

I want to fly, I want to feel Your freedom

And to be awaken by the light of Your truth

I want Your peace, to breathe in You again

I can’t anymore, without you I can’t go on

I will not hide behind a thousand addictions

I’ll leave my chains behind and I’ll break free from my prisons

I’ll be brave today and I’ll make decisions 

I’ll believe in Your promises, come for my afflictions

My Life Before Christ

 There are two types of testimonies in the life of a Christian: that of one’s life before meeting Christ and the testimony of God’s work after meeting Christ. In this post, I’m going to share part of my life before Jesus saved me.  So just know my after-Christ story is a bit more glorious. So, here it goes…

 My birth was neither planned nor wanted.  My parents got pregnant with my older brother when they were 17 years old and were obligated to get married. Twelve months and 2 days later, I arrived. By the time I was 5, violence in our home finally tore my parent’s marriage apart. With my dad out of the picture, we grew up poor and without luxuries. The shoes I wore were not my size and I never had cool clothes or toys. Sometimes mom wouldn’t eat so that my brother and I could have dinner.

 My dad was absent for a big part of my life after the divorce. During that time my mother had to work to support us so while she was gone, my brother and I would spend all afternoon at my cousin’s house. I was in kindergarten and too young to know what was really happening when my cousin abused me. It was supposed to be a secret and a game so, in my naivety, I believed it. It lasted a few months and I didn’t understand what had happened until years later when, in a sexual education class in elementary school, they explained to us what molestation is.

 My mom didn’t believe me when I told her and I had no father to confide in. Sure, I had a few stepdads throughout my childhood but never a father to provide shelter or a safe place for me. I had no one.  So left all alone with my shame, I started hating myself and everyone else. I quickly became depressed, angry and felt so unloved.

 I heard about God a few times before - from few different religions. So many rules and restrictions to receive love from God made as much sense as to blame Him for everything I felt. So I decided to become an atheist.

 I learned to drink my pain away by following my second stepfather’s example. Finally, my alcohol problem got out of control at age of 15. That got me kicked out of home to start finding my way through a life that went on and on into a self-destructive cycle.

 Suicide seemed the only way out many times in my life. It became more and more appealing and almost became my final path until I got saved. Not by a religion or a church but by a loving Father. I’ve never been the kind of kid that a parent would feel proud of, but this wasn’t like any parent I have had. He took away my shame, my hate, and my solitude. My life made sense. Pablo Olivares’s testimonial movie made me understand that if God could restore someone like him He might as well restore me, and He did! I had to get rid of my pride and accept that my life was going nowhere without Him. That wasn’t easy at all but from that point on my life has been worthy. It was not easy but He was there all the way through the profound healing and the deep restoration with His endless love and forgiveness.

 A few months after I accepted Christ I wrote a song. While it may not be the best song ever written, it has significant meaning to me. Music has always been an outlet for me and when I was an atheist, I wrote and sang about my hatred to God so writing this song was the first time I remember worshipping God with all my soul. I really hope that my testimony and this song speak to you in your walk with the Lord. Remember, whoever you are, wherever you are, no matter what you've done, God's will is to forgive you, love you and heal you. I have translated the lyrics since it’s in Spanish so that you can comprehend better what it stands for. You can play the song at the bottom of the page! 

Clamor (Cry Out)

Take what’s hidden in this heart

I’m exhausted, can´t deal with this pain any more

Forgive me for saying I didn’t need you

Give me your peace Lord, you’re what I was looking for

I’ve walked for so long, come carry me

Wipe my tears away, come hug me

Heal my past, come touch me

I’ve never missed you so much

Show me the way out of this maze

You know I’m not lying, I am sorry

Take this heavy mask off of me

Give me your strength Lord, without you I can’t go on

I’ve walked for so long, come carry me

Wipe my tears away, come hug me

Heal my past, come touch me

I’ve never missed you so much

I will believe in you

Help me carry on

I will live in you

No more fear of dying

I will trust in you

No more pain within

I will live in you

No more fear of dying