It feels like somebody else is in control of my actions and my body. I give the command in my head to stop, but my hands and feet continue to make their way to the trap that my enemy has set for me. It’s like I am a slave to myself, to my flesh and that I can’t sit on the throne to rule my own decisions, my own life. Lies, other people, alcohol, porn and anger, depression and suicidal tendencies, self-mutilation… So many things have sat on my throne, but not me, never me. Then I understood that word I had always heard about: addiction.
Me? An addict? I never thought I would be one. I didn’t do drugs as often as my friends did. Only drug users are to be called 'addicts', but not me, my friend. It just didn’t click in my head that I could be addicted to something, but I was. As a teenager I got kicked out of my home because of my anger and abusive drinking. Now I look back and I see that I was just a kid. I still am. Now I look at my younger brother who is 16 and I cannot imagine him holding a drink, much less getting as drunk as I used to. Or smoking cigarets the way I did.
How blind was I? How weak? I just kept crawling back to pain and emptiness. I had nothing left to do but surrender to it.
If you are fighting an addiction you will understand that it turns into a never-ending cycle of submission to whatever it is that’s keeping you captive. It only takes you to one end if you don’t stop on time: death.
How can I defeat my addiction?
You can’t do it alone, that’s for sure. It takes so much more than your own willpower. It’s not going to be enough because you are weak, you have been for the last several years, haven’t you? You need someone to walk through this with you. Maybe a friend, a pastor, someone that will not judge you when you fall, yet won’t baby you either. If you are a new Christian, I would highly recommend you to not go to your old friends for this because it’s only going to drag you down again eventually.
Now, what you CAN do by yourself with your own willpower and discipline is to pray… hardcore. Make the decision, be brave and do not be dismayed. The only way I could’ve ever overcome any of my self-destructive habits was through all the time I and people who loves me spent on our knees asking God to give me the strength to be free of all of those chains. And you know what? It worked.
I still fight my flesh on a daily basis and that’s not going to change, but I am not ruled by self-destruction anymore. I AM FREE. I have been delivered by Christ, for Christ. He is the only thing worth living for, the only person worth being ruled by.
He holds the answers and the power you’re looking for to overcome and get the victory that we desire so much.
My band recently released a new album and the first song I wrote for it is called “Libertà”, which is Italian for “freedom”. The song is in Spanish so I have translated the lyrics to English so you can understand what it says.
You are not alone, if you’re reading this you have been prayed for. You can do it, there’s freedom available for you in Christ. Come get it!
Libertà (Freedom)
I have been lost in very confusing shadows
But I’ve decided I won’t make any more excuses
I want to be free today, I want to know who I am
I want to live in You today, I want to know where I’m going
I want to fly, I want to feel Your freedom
And to be awaken by the light of Your truth
I want Your peace, to breathe in You again
I can’t anymore, without you I can’t go on
I have been hurt by very profound things
But I ask you today: “Set me free from my tortures"
I want to be free today, I want to know who I am
I want to live in You today, I want to know where I’m going
I want to fly, I want to feel Your freedom
And to be awaken by the light of Your truth
I want Your peace, to breathe in You again
I can’t anymore, without you I can’t go on
I will not hide behind a thousand addictions
I’ll leave my chains behind and I’ll break free from my prisons
I’ll be brave today and I’ll make decisions
I’ll believe in Your promises, come for my afflictions
